Kay and Noah @pumpkin patch/ Marae swinging 7 months
I've been thinking about my mom a lot lately. Not sure why more now than other times. I was remembering Christmas 11 years ago. Mom was just diagnosed with ovarian cancer. She spent several weeks in the hospital here in Seattle having the cancer removed. The incision itself was a foot and half long and it felt as if we'd never be able to bring her home. There had been several complications and one of those was the pulmonary embolism that hit her lungs and sent her breathing into a downward spiral. She was maxed out on the amount of oxygen they could give her for weeks and her O2 stats were still not what they should be. I remember walking around target with my sister, trying to find sweats we could wear in the hospital. My gums were bleeding from all the stress and I was 17 and terrified. Our world was completely turned upside down with one word and from there it just got worse. We seriously questioned if mom would pull out of this and be able to return home to Idaho. We hung up Christmas decoration in her hospital room figuring that stark room would be where we'd spend the holiday. Year after year She always hated those decorations whenever she saw them. They held bad memories for her.
After much prayer and an honest pure miracle, she got better and her lungs finally recovered from the embolism. We got word just two or three days before Christmas that she could go home. I remember rushing home and getting the house all prepared for Christmas and moms homecoming. To this day that Christmas is my most memorable and my most loved Christmas. I understood what Christmas was really about. It wasn't about handing mom and dad your "want list". All I wanted was to have my mom back. I wanted to feel some form of normalcy and it came in the 11th hour. It was the best Christmas ever. We had hope and we had mom sitting there with us, smiling and being mom. Mom s gone now and every Christmas I long for that feeling of going "home", just like it use to be but its not something I can visit anymore unless I close my eyes and think real hard.
I say all this because I feel like I'm about to experience one of those remarkably special Christmases again. Even though God has been so good and gracious to our family and to Marae, the day we learned Marae was deaf was such a dark day. We've spent the last 7 months teaching Marae to listen and hear those quiet sounds that slip in and out of her hearing. We've spent all this time waiting for her chance to hear. I'm so thankful that I've always felt that Marae understood me without my words/ voice. I have learned so much about and that it is so much more than the words we say. It's been a remarkable experience and one I do not wish to take back or change. I have felt such incredible joy amongst struggle. And in that sense I've come to understand more about the peace that God gives. I remember when we lost mom my sister said she wondered what God was preparing us for. In many ways that experience helped to prepare me for this, though they are two completely different experiences.
So now for the good news. Marae is going in for surgery on November 1st to receive her first cochlear implant. To say that I am excited is putting it mildly. I feel like a little kid at Christmas. I'm so excited, that I have a hard time settling to sleep at night. I am ecstatic for my baby girl to hear EVERY word I say. To hear the dog bark, the car drive by, to hear the birds singing, or the crickets, or the sounds of her brother and sister. These are things we take for granted until they are taken from us. Yes Marae hears some things but they aren't full words, just little sounds here and there as they travel in and out of various frequencies. I've thought about what I'll say to her the first time they activate her first implant. I'm going to tell her how much I love her. She'll have no idea what I'm saying of course, but she''ll know that I'm saying it and she'll hear me for the first time loud and clear. Then begins the fun journey of attaching meaning to all the sounds she will be hearing. It's going to be amazing! The activation of her implant wont happen until November 28th. She'll miss out hearing her first thanksgiving but she will hear her first Christmas season. We'll be sure to post on our blog how the surgery went. Thank you for all the prayers regarding the timing of this surgery. God gave us a surgeon who does the surgery earlier than most, so Marae will receive her hearing before there has even been a delay shown in her speech. God is good!
